The Demon Went Down to Cardiff
by ShinyTogeticFTW
Summary: Jack Harkness comes back to life whenever he dies. Crowley doesn't like the fact that Jack's soul won't stay put. What's the King of Hell to do? Why, make a deal with the Captain, of course! "The Devil Went Down to Georgia" but with a twist – including my own original parody of that song. Hmm… should I record myself singing it and then post it on YouTube? What do you readers think?
1. Story, Part 1

"Jack? He's back again," Toshiko called out to the Captain from where she was monitoring the CCTV for any sign of the man who had been repeatedly showing up outside the secret entrance to the Hub and just standing there doing nothing.

"Who?" Ianto asked as he returned from the archives.

"Someone has apparently been scoping the place out," Owen informed their resident factotum as Jack silently walked over to the invisible lift which would bring him to the surface, unnoticed, right in front of the water tower where their visitor was.

Somehow, however, the stranger was able to see right through the perception filter; he watched the Captain steadily as the mobile paving slab raised him up to street level, eyes locked with his the whole way. "Hello again, Harkness," he offered when the lift came to a stop with a gentle bump.

Jack raised an incredulous eyebrow. "Do I know you?"

"I've seen you around," the man replied shortly.

"That a fact?"

"It is indeed." He smirked. "As often as you drop by, you should be getting frequent-flyer miles."

Jack was completely clueless as to what he was talking about and entirely unamused by this nonsensical banter. "What exactly are you doing here?" he demanded.

The man shrugged unconcernedly. "I'm King of Hell. I do what I want."

Jack staggered at that seemingly offhanded comment and blinked in shock. He took a moment to adjust his stance and regain his composure before clearing his throat and asking, "Come again?"

"I bet you say that to all the boys," the stranger responded immediately. Jack shook his head in disbelief, but before he could say anything the other man declared, "Don't deny it, Harkness, I've seen you do it. You flirt more than anyone _ever_, and it is frequently the last thing you do."

Jack suppressed a shudder as a chill ran down his spine. It wasn't just the uncanny feeling that this man knew Jack couldn't die, but the blasé tone with which he spoke about it? The Captain licked his lips as his mouth seemed to have gone incredibly dry all of a sudden, then he whispered shakily, "Who are you?"

The man smiled. "King of Hell, like I said. Name's Crowley."

Jack swallowed nervously. "I… I don't…" He always tried to avoid thinking about Hell. He had no idea what it was actually like, but if the journey back was any indication then it wasn't pleasant.

"Oh, Harkness," Crowley chuckled as though he knew exactly what Jack had just been thinking and tsked, "the journey back is worse than whatever happens there… for you, anyway; you never stick around long enough to really experience anything." Having said this, his humored expression abruptly turned sour, as though he had just been reminded of something unpleasant, and he was suddenly all business. "You asked what I was doing here." Crowley paused then, so Jack nodded mutely in confirmation. "Well, I'll tell you, Harkness: I'm not happy. Ask me why I'm not happy."

"Why aren't you happy?" Jack was aware of his mouth moving, and the words coming out through numb lips were in his voice, but he was almost certain he hadn't actually spoken.

Crowley looked him up and down before saying, "Death doesn't have a return policy – ask pretty much anyone and they'll tell you the same thing – yet you are the exception to that rule; when your life is taken, we are required to give it back."

"What do you expect me to do about it? I mean, I know I can't die–"

"Oh, you can die, Harkness. You die all the time. The thing about you is that you don't _stay_ dead. That's what I don't like."

"So… what? Have you come to void my receipt or something?"

"Ah, if it were only that easy. Unfortunately, the contract (or 'receipt' as you so eloquently put it) in question is held by an unreachable third party. Nothing I can do about that. No, I came here to see if you were interested in making a deal."

"A deal?" Jack repeated uncertainly. "What kind of deal?"

"I know you're not exactly fond of the situation either," Crowley offered shrewdly. "A deal with me might be your only chance to get out of it."

Jack closed his eyes and took a deep breath before he began, "If I do make a deal with you…" He hesitated.

"…how do you know I'll keep it?" Crowley grinned. "Because my deals aren't sealed with a handshake, Harkness; when you deal with me, it's sealed with a kiss."


	2. Song, Part 1

The demon went down to Cardiff  
Things were not on an even keel  
He stood by the lift at the space-time rift  
'Cause he wanted to make a deal.

When he finally met the Captain  
(In the flesh rather than in Hell)  
Crowley smiled at Jack, introduced himself  
and said, "Now Harkness, listen well:

"I know you don't remember  
What it's like to be down below  
A quick visit and then you split  
That's how it always goes.

"These circumstances are not ideal  
For you it's become old hat  
And I'm seeing red because you won't stay dead  
But one contract can change all that."

Then Jack said, "Alright Crowley  
But give me a free pass  
Just until I learn that I won't return  
And I need to cover my ass."

Captain, you'd better watch yourself! Be careful what you do  
This 'Crowley' sure means business and the Doctor can't help you  
You've been immortal since the Bad Wolf brought you back to life  
But everyone knows that came with a price!


	3. Story, Part 2

"I've never noticed him before," Ianto commented. "Where did he come from?"

"I have no idea…" Toshiko tapped away on her keyboard, her gaze constantly jumping from one monitor screen to another as she typed. "…but he keeps coming back here and standing in that exact spot."

"I'll be buggered," Owen blurted, watching the CCTV. "Jack hasn't even stepped off the lift and he's already talking to him!"

"I thought no one could see people who were on there?" Ianto observed. "Isn't that the whole reason we made it our secret entrance?"

"That is how it's supposed to work," Toshiko confirmed, "but I guess some people aren't affected by it."

"Affected by it?" Owen looked at Tosh, confused. "It affects whoever's standing on it and makes them invisible."

"Not quite," she corrected him without interrupting her work, taking the distraction of holding a conversation in stride. "Technically what it does is convince people who are walking by that there's nothing there _to_ see."

"Except this guy can see Jack," Owen pointed out.

"Oh, well spotted, Captain Obvious," Ianto muttered.

"Coming from you, I'll take that as a compliment; we all know how much you love your _Captain_s," Owen shot back.

"Guys!" Tosh interrupted their squabbling. "Look at Jack!"

Ianto and Owen turned their attention to the CCTV feed that Toshiko was now watching intently, and a moment later they all said simultaneously, "I have never seen him that unnerved."

* * *

Jack exhaled heavily. "Alright, what's the deal?"

Crowley shrugged. "I want your soul. Plain and simple. It's the reason we make deals. That's what I get out of it."

"So basically what you're saying is that, if I agree to this, I go to Hell."

"That's the bare bones of it, yes."

"Don't I already though?" Jack asked. "The way you were talking earlier, I go to Hell all the time."

"It's hardly worth anything to me if you don't stay there. Souls are meant to stay put once they move on; yours just can't seem to let go."

"Question is, why would I _want_ to stay there?"

"Why wouldn't you?"

Jack raised an eyebrow. "Hell's got a reputation."

"Word on the streets is: so do you."

The Captain couldn't help but laugh quietly at that. "Most days, if you were to ask me? I'm proud of my rep."

Jack sobered when Crowley spoke again. "Regardless. Next we discuss what I'll be giving you in exchange."

"Alright. Shoot."

"First, let me ask you something. A lot of times, when you come back, it's a little rough on reentry, isn't it?"

"Yeah, it is," Jack conceded. "Not always, but usually I revive gasping for breath."

"Understandable. It's a bit of a shock to your system, having your dear departed soul shoved unceremoniously back inside your empty body. I can help with that. If you give your soul to me, I will ensure that you return with a sigh rather than a gasp."

"Every time?"

"Every time. You have my word: you'll slide back into life smooth as silk."

"But only if I give my soul to you."

"You're making a deal with a demon here, Harkness," Crowley advised him. "That part is nonnegotiable."

Jack took a moment to think about that before mumbling, "How long?"

"What was that?" Crowley put a hand to his own ear and leaned closer as though to hear the Captain better.

"I said 'how long?'" he repeated through gritted teeth. "How long do I get these more gentle revivals until I don't come back at all anymore?"

"However long you want." The Captain was taken aback at that, so Crowley expounded, "Normally a deal would have a deadline of ten years; once that time is up, well… your time is up. However…" He paused then, as though considering something, before he continued, "…you're a special case, Harkness, so I'll leave the due date up to you. When you die – _whenever_ you die – you get to decide on the spot whether or not you want to come back."

Jack bit his lip. "It's tempting."

"Offers of my kind usually are."

The Captain seemed to mull it over for a while until he made up his mind. "You said you're a demon," he began.

"I am." Crowley nodded.

"You're familiar with other demons, then?"

"Very familiar; intimately, in some cases."

"Have you heard of one called 'Abaddon'?"

"I know a couple, actually."

Jack was surprised at this news. "Is that a popular name for demons?" Crowley merely raised his hands in a lazy shrug before the Captain went on, "I'm talking about the one who has also been referred to as _the Great Devourer_."

"Ah." He nodded in recognition. "Son of _the Beast_. You've met?"

"I killed him."

Crowley's eyes widened in shock. "…You what?"

"He was gorging himself on the life force of the people here, and with my immortality I was able to stop his rampage. I was dead for days afterwards, but that's a small price to pay for saving everyone as far as I'm concerned."

"Why you–" Crowley snarled as he stepped forward and grabbed Jack by the lapels of his coat, pulling him in so they were face-to-face.

"You don't scare me, Crowley," Jack advised him coolly, not even attempting to break out of the demon's grip. "Your threats can't intimidate me. You will never hold my soul, and that is final."

After a few tense seconds, Crowley ended their staredown by shoving the Captain away lightly as he relaxed his hold on him. "Fine. Have it your way, Harkness. Keep dying and coming back until you're stranded at the end of the universe…"

"Been there, done that."

"…if you insist. It won't get any easier."

"I'm not too bothered. Believe it or not, I've actually gotten used to the feeling."

"Oh really? And how did you manage that?"

"Wouldn't you like to know." Jack smirked. "You can just keep wondering while you while your time away in Hell, waiting forever in the vain hope that one day I'll be coming to stay. Here's a hint: it's not gonna happen. Now get off my doorstep and don't let me catch you hanging around here again; otherwise you'll be going the same way as your pal Abby."

Crowley mouthed the word 'Abby' confusedly, then a moment later his eyebrows shot up in realization and he disappeared.

As soon as he was gone, Jack slumped to sit on the square of sidewalk he had stood on during the entire conversation as it jerked slightly before descending into the Hub. Once he was entirely underground and the doors in the ceiling began to close above him, he let his head drop back and propped himself up with his arms behind him as he rode the lift down to rest at the bottom, thinking to himself that his basement headquarters would be as far _down_ as he'd ever want to go.

Suddenly he was surrounded by his team, all of them talking at once: asking if he was alright, who that man was, what he wanted, whether he'd be coming back, if there was an imminent threat and should they initiate a full system lockdown… The Captain chuckled at the worried looks on their faces and then sighed. "Ianto? My office." Jack smiled suggestively as he stood and slung his arm around the Welshman's shoulders. "Now that I've just faced down Hell, I'm looking to experience some Heaven on Earth."


	4. Song, Part 2

Once Crowley knew he had the Captain right where he wanted him  
He said, "First of all: your soul is mine, never to be free again  
In your favor: from now on, your revivals will be nonchalant  
After you decide each time it won't be the last – as long as you want."

When he'd thought awhile, the Captain said, "Now, before we share a kiss  
I'm gonna tell you exactly what _I_ want to get out of this:

"You have to leave me alone  
And my life will always remain my own  
It isn't worth being able to control  
Not if it means forfeiting my soul."

Crowley shook his head and muttered, "You drive a hard bargain  
I can't take you up on that one, Harkness, much to my chagrin."  
So Jack said, "In that case, demon, you should forever leave this place  
I'll defeat you like I did Abaddon the next time you show your face!"

He told him, "You have to leave me alone  
And my life will always remain my own  
It isn't worth being able to control  
Not if it means forfeiting my soul."


End file.
